Healing the Echoes of Past Pain
Many of us are transitioning from the “doing” phase of life into a season of “being.” Yet, even as we seek peace, we often find ourselves haunted by old shadows. You might be sitting in your garden, sipping tea, when a sudden wave of rejection or inadequacy washes over you, seemingly out of nowhere.
This is the phenomenon of reliving past pain. It isn’t just a memory; it’s a physiological and emotional hijacking that causes a disconnection from self. When we are stuck in these loops, we lose touch with the wise, spiritual woman we have become, falling back into the shoes of the wounded child we once were.
How Past Pain Disconnects Us
Trauma isn’t just the “big” events; it is the wound we carry inside. As Dr. Gabor Maté often explains, trauma is a loss of connection to oneself. When we experience emotional pain that we cannot process—especially in childhood—our brain stores it in our nervous system.
Years later, a minor event in the present can act as a “trigger,” pulling that old energy into the now. Because the brain’s limbic system doesn’t have a sense of linear time, it feels like the trauma is happening all over again. These emotional triggers create a division between our soul and our daily life.
The Anatomy of a Trigger: From the Gym Mat to the Garden Party
To understand how these triggers work, let’s look at how a thread of pain can weave through decades.
The Seed (Age 6): Imagine you are six years old, standing in a drafty school gymnasium. The captains are picking teams for gymnastics. You stand there, heart pounding, hoping to be seen. One by one, your friends are chosen. Finally, you are the last one left. The captain sighs, “I guess we have to take her.” In that moment, your nervous system registers a profound sense of unworthiness and isolation. To survive the shame, you “leave” your body. You disconnect.
The Echo (Age 65): Now, decades later, you hear through the grapevine about a neighborhood dinner party or a spiritual retreat that you weren’t invited to. Logically, you know you don’t need to attend every event. But your body reacts with a visceral gut-punch. Your throat tightens, your mind begins to race with thoughts of “I’m not enough,” and suddenly, you feel lonely even in your own home.
This is an emotional flashback. You aren’t just reacting to a missed party; you are reliving the gym floor of 1966.
Recognizing Your Triggers
Recognition is the first step toward healing. You can identify a trigger by looking for “disproportionality.” If your emotional reaction is a 10, but the event is a 2, you are likely dealing with a past wound.
Signs include:
- Sudden “brain fog” or feeling “spaced out.”
- Tightness in the chest or a “knot” in the stomach.
- A harsh inner critic that starts looping negative thoughts.
- The urge to withdraw and isolate from loved ones.
Healing with the 7 A’s of Gabor Maté
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a pioneer in trauma-informed healing, offers a framework for recovery. In our sixties, we have the emotional maturity to apply these mindfulness for women tools with grace.
- Acceptance: This isn’t about liking the pain; it’s about acknowledging its existence without judgment. Say to yourself: “I am feeling triggered right now, and that is okay.”
- Awareness: Observe your body. Where is the tension? By bringing awareness to the physical sensation, you move out of the “story” and into the present moment.
- Anger: Maté emphasizes “healthy anger.” Many women of our generation were taught to suppress anger. Allow yourself to feel the boundary-setting power of anger toward the injustices you suffered.
- Autonomy: Reclaim your power. Remind yourself that you are no longer that 6-year-old girl. You have the agency to care for yourself now.
- Attachment: Reconnect with others. Trauma thrives in isolation. Reach out to a trusted friend or a spiritual growth circle.
- Assertion: Practice stating your needs and your truth. Assert your right to be here, exactly as you are.
- Affirmation: Affirm your value. This is self-compassion in action. You are a divine being who has survived, thrived, and learned.
Moving Toward Somatic Healing
Because trauma lives in the body, somatic healing is essential. Simple practices like deep belly breathing, restorative yoga, or walking barefoot on the earth can help “ground” the energy of a trigger. When we ground ourselves, we signal to our nervous system that we are safe. This is where true emotional regulation begins.
Resources for Further Reading
If you are ready to dive deeper into your healing journey, these books are essential companions:
Final Thoughts
Reclaiming your life from past pain is not about “fixing” yourself—you aren’t broken. It’s about uncovering the vibrant, spiritual woman who has been there all along, underneath the layers of protection. As you navigate your sixties, remember that every time you recognize a trigger and respond with kindness, you are walking yourself home. This process can often reveal the deeper triggers that hold us back, allowing us to embrace our true selves.
